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A woman must be able to ‘travel’ on a whim and follow the man’s work schedule …but will not consider the woman’s schedule.”LNL from New Market, Md., a therapist, scolded, “Men in their 40s living in New York City who have good careers and fairly attractive looks, but who have never been married and want to get married, need to stop blaming fate or outside circumstances and hightail it to the nearest competent psychotherapist.”Demographically, LNL wrote, “women in their 40s and 50s are in a far worse position looking for decent single men.Many say they're getting exactly what they want and need.Is that a deplorably manipulative state of affairs?Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.A few weeks later, she joined him for "a wonderful weekend" in his home state. (For men, the figure was 90 percent.) And should they be propositioned by someone they found attractive, 48 percent of the women (and 69 percent of the men) said they would be tempted to have sex outside the relationship.On dating sites, I am mainly contacted by men at least 10 years older than me …but they don’t want women with kids at home, even if they are not home most of the time.

A storm of readers’ comments — over 650 on The New York Times’s site and over 200 on The Times’s main Facebook page — followed the posting of “Meet the Bachelors Who Yearn for Something More,” an article by Sridhar Pappu on aging single men in New York.The same study revealed 11 percent of survey respondents were in a sexual relationship that did not involve cohabitation.Can a casual sexual relationship exact an emotional toll?This online dating community focuses on the specific interests and desires of people like you.En español | You made the mistake of asking your adult daughter if that guy she went out with last night was "anything serious." She gave you a nonchalant shrug and smiled.

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